Making Friends

As after any night of partying with heroin you usually wake up in a bit of a funk. This funk was immense. To top it off, the cigarette I was smoking before bed had melted the skin on my left middle finger. I wasn't as bad as it looked but pulling it off was something I hope I never have to experience again.

1 in the afternoon. I'd slept like a baby for the first time in weeks. Since I had no real habit yet I wasn't sick. And I had drugs still. Not Andy though. When I went down the hall to his room he wad doubled over beside his bed begging his mom to come get us on the phone.

"So I'll see you in ten minutes? K. Yea mom I'm fine. I just have a headache."

He hung up the phone.

"Hey man. Morning." I said

"Hey dude. Can u float me a bag I'm sick. I'll get some cash for food n stuff from my mom and pay you back in like 10 minutes and give you a ride wherever you wanna go." Andy said

"Sure man. You don't have to pay me for it. Consider it payment for the rig and letting me crash." I said and handed Andy a balloon.

"Can I get a white too? It'll help me wake up." Andy asked

I didn't really think at the time as speed balls were new to me but for a speed ball addict this was necessary.

"Sure man. I'm cool sharing whatever as long as we can throw it back n forth. Help each other out. What you gonna do today?" I said

"Try to figure out how to get some more cash so I can pick up" Andy said

"What like panhandle?" I asked

"Yea maybe." Andy said while pulling out his kit to make his quick morning shot.

"Actually I've been thinking of a way to sell these rolls of stamps I have. They're commercial rolls and I could get at least $1,500 for them if I could find a buyer." He said.

"Well who buys them?" I asked

"Mostly businesses that do bulk mailing like for advertising." Andy said

"You don't know anyone that does that?" I asked

"No not really. I don't think a respectable business would but them from some random guy" Andy said

Well that's a lot of money to let sit around." I said

"Yeah man. If you think you can sell them I'll split the money with you. You could just call advertising agency's that promote doing mailers. I'll let you use my phone and the phone book is right over there." Andy said

"Sure ill take a look for sure." I said

I slipped the phone book into my backpack while Andy was cleaning up his rig and spoon. Just then the phone rang.

"My moms outside lets go." Andy said

Andy's mom picked us up out in front of the house and drove us to the In-n-Out.

I would come to understand Andy's mom had little idea how far into his addiction he actually was. Before she left she bought us both lunch and gave Andy $60. It wasn't 60 seconds after she was out of the parking lot and he was calling the dealer."

"Hey it's me. Can you come to the same place I need 4 n 4 (4 black, 4 white)........ 20 minutes? K I'm here" Andy said and hung up the phone.

I sat down to read the phone book and see what I could do about the stamp idea. But my 3rd call I has someone who actually really wanted them. Apparently the rolls went for $1200 retail. I offered him 2 rolls for $1600 cash and we set a place to meet for 10am the following day.

"I got a buyer for your stamps. He will meet us tomorrow at 10am. $1600 cash for both." I said

"NO WAY! Seriously?" Andy exclaimed

"Yea bro. 10am. 2 rolls. $1600 cash on hand." I repeated

"That's awesome. Thanks man!" Andy said

Just then the ford pickup arrived and Andy went for a ride. Upon his return we went to the public bathroom to cook up a little celebration fix.

Shooting up in a public bathroom is easier then you think. Even in multi stall bathrooms it's not that hard if your quick. Andy cooked up a shot for both of us and we split it up into our own respective needles. I hit without much trouble and a split second later I was face down in the toilet.

"You puking?" Andy said

I couldn't say a word just then. I was so high that for a second I thought I'd done too much. Another second and I regained my speech.

"I...I'm... Good. I think" a stuttered

"Don't go dying on me lightweight we got business to attend to tonight" Andy joked

We spent the rest of the rest of the afternoon just hanging out. Chillin on the grass in front of the In-n-Out. Sharing stories of our past lives. Andy was a bass player in a Las Vegas area rock band that had gained moderate success. I told him that I was a promoter back home in Cali. This was the first time I had forgotten about the place in my life I was in. I had made a friend. Someone with similar interests and background.

Walking to Andy moms house took about an hour and we were almost there before we actually started talking about the matter at hand.

"So the stamps that we are picking up aren't actually mine." Andy confessed

"What!?!? Who's are they?" I asked

"My parents own a marketing business that does mailers. They belong to them and the stamps are in their office behind the house. My mom told me I couldn't come buy tonight cause nobody will be home and I know the alarm code so I'll go get them. You stand watch. Here's my cellphone and the phone number to the office phone is right here. If anyone comes home just call this number and I'll figure out what to do." Andy said

I didn't even have enough time to make a decision and Andy was headed down the driveway toward the office behind his parents house and I was crouched down by a bush with his phone.

The property was pretty big. At least a 2 acre lot. The neighborhood was quiet. I remember thinking about the fact that the value of those stamps was enough to land both of us felony charges if we got caught and Andy's parents called the cops or somebody saw us  and called it in.

Truthfully, other then feeling like I had been forcibly led into this position I was for the idea. $800 in my pocket seemed like a great idea. I was gonna need money for food, shelter and drugs and I had no interest in panhandling to make ends meet. I decided I would confront Andy later and for the time being I would focus on being the wing man I unknowingly signed up to be.

The heist went off without a hitch and we headed for Andy's pad about 4 blocks away shortly after dark.

After arriving at Andy's we got some free pizza from Andy's roommate that lived in the actual house above Andy's lair. I overheard their conversation from down the stairs.

"I'm moving out tomorrow and heading to Texas. I need everyone gone tomorrow morning. I tried to tell you this morning but you were sleeping. I'm sorry man but the bank is taking the house." Andy's roommate said

"Damn bro that sucks. There's nothing we can do?" Andy said

"Afraid not man. Unless we can come up with the $4,000 I'm behind on this mortgage." Andy's roommate said

"Well, we will be out early tomorrow. Thanks for letting me crash. You've been a life saver." Andy said and closed the door

"That sucks man I'm sorry but I heard you guys talking." I said

"Oh well. At least we can get a place for a few weeks tomorrow. That is if you wanna split the cost of a hotel. You down?" Andy asked

"Hell yea man! As long as this goes smoothly tomorrow I don't have anywhere else to go." I said

"Sweet I know a spot on east Fremont street that's cheep. We will go there and get a weekly after we meet up with the buyer" Andy said

"Sounds good man" I said

We did most of the drugs we had left throughout the night. I'd never thrown up so much in my life. In a way I felt discussing but in a weird way I felt like things were looking up. I had made a friend and tomorrow I was gonna have enough money to relax, take a shower and sleep in a bed. Maybe we could order pizza! The state I was in the "good ideas" were flooding in and I totally forgot to bring up the concept of Andy basically conning me into being an accessory to felony grand larceny. But in the world of addicts. What are friends for?

If you would like to contribute to my efforts at stopping addiction please visit:

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Together we can make a difference.

Welcome to the Jungle

I've never been able to discern why I didn't try harder to pick up any more drugs over the next month or so. Maybe I was uncomfortable meeting up with Josh, maybe I was homesick, maybe I wanted to stay clean, I don't really know. I do remember continuing to tell myself that I did not want to go back to shooting up.

I had been using opiates in one way or another for over 4 years to that point but only about May 2009 (3 months) prior had I dove into using needles. I wasn't much a fan really, I could get more or less just as high and not worry about accidentally killing myself by smoking.

The truck was getting to be a little to cramped after almost a month so Rook and Becca managed to gather funds to get a hotel room for a few nights. I slept on the floor. I wasn't up for anything. I think I was coming to the realization of my decisions and with Rook and Becca becoming closer and closer I had never felt more alone. Now broke, hungry and all and all bored decided to set out into Vegas to find something. I didn't know exactly what, but I just felt I had to get out of that room. After all, you can only watch the same 4 channels in a hotel room.

Vegas has a smell to it. The dryness is hard to get used to at first. In mid September it's still well into the hundreds by 2pm. Regardless, I needed money and I wasn't going to get any money sitting around. I made my way to the In-n-Out at Trop and Polaris by 3pm after bumming a couple smokes and buying a few hot dogs with some change a had in my backpack. Now, nourished and prepared, I pressed on to the task at hand.

I must have panhandled around the In-n-out for at least 5 hours. Thing is, I wasn't motivated. I had a full belly.  I wasn't sick as at this point I had no real drug habit and I was depressed and it showed. I crossed the street just before sunrise to try to bum one more smoke from the lady at the Wild West Casino/truck stop. When I came back for the last round I realized I had lost my lighter. While fumbling through my pockets I heard a voice.

"Bro! You need a light?"

Looking up I saw one of the In-n-Out workers. Tall redhead kid about 22. Sitting off to one of the far tables. I thanked him for the fire and he said I could keep it!

"Thank you" I said.

"No worries man. You new here?" He asked

"Is it that obvious?" I asked

"Sort of, you got a backpack but you look much cleaner than the people that usually panhandle here. You drifting or what?" He questioned

"Something like that. I'm kind of stuck out here with nowhere to go." I said

"Whys that? You don't got no family?" he asked

"I do, but it's a rough situation. I'm here and for now they don't want to speak to me. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I have nothing. No ID, no cell, just what's in this backpack and the $7.43 I panhandled here today. That's it." I said

"Sucks man" he said

"Sorry man I'm not trying to dump my problems on you it's just a pretty crazy time for me right now. I've never been in this position before." I said

"It's cool man. In fact, no offense but this is the most interesting conversation I've had in a long time." He said

"Thanks I guess." I chuckled

"Have you ever been to Vegas before?" He asked

"No." I lied
"And this is definitely not how in in visioned my first trip" I said

"We'll then I tell you what"

The man stood up and reached into his back pocket.

"I'm not rich but I gamble on sports a lot and let's just say I'm a little ahead for the month."

He proceeded to hand me all the money in his wallet. $96. I almost fell out of my chair. Here I was panhandling for what seemed like all day and this guy just gave me almost $100.

"I don't want you to thank me and I don't want you to pay me back. In fact, I want you to blow the money! Put it in a slot machine, get a show ticket, just do something. Experience something only Vegas has to offer. Now my break is over and I gotta get back to work. Good luck my friend!"

And just like that he walked back towards In-n-Out.

I was beside myself. I didn't know what to do. I headed for the gas station to get some cigarettes I decided to call Rook and tell him I had some cash when I noticed a guy my age pacing around in the parking lot of the burger joint. Instincts kicked in and I overheard what sounded to me like someone on the phone with their dealer.

SIDE NOTE: This is a point where the real world would set in for a person who is not an addict. Someone who is actively trying to make a difference in their life would have fought their urges. I remember thinking as clear  as if it was happening to me right now about why I always seem to find myself in the predicament. Was this the devil having me in his cross hairs? What I think most people don't understand is that an addict DOES feel guilt its just that when this thing gets a hold on you it can take a very long time ( in my case years) before you develop either the fortitude to combat it, or the willingness to let God into your life and help you.

"Hey man you got a light?" I asked the guy

"Uhh yea in my backpack I... I think" he said

"Man I'll be straight with you. I'm new here and I overheard you on the phone. Are you picking up right now?" I asked

"Uh, what? N.. No. I don't know what you're talking about." He said

"Look man, I don't have a connect here and if your getting what I think your getting I'll buy you some if you can pick up for me." I said

"What is it you think I might be getting exactly?" He asked

"Black." I said

Just as he paused his phone rang.

"Hey...... Yea I'm in the parking lot... I need.. I need.." He hesitated and put the phone to his chest.

"How much you want dude?" He asked

"80 for me and I'll give you 20" I said

"You want all black or what?"

"What you mean?" I asked

"Do you want white?"

" white? Like coke? How much is it?" I asked

"$5 each you gotta make up your mind now he's here" he persisted

"K. $70 black, $10 white and $20 for you." I said

"Gimme your money he's pulling in, I'll circle around the parking lot and meet you right here in like 2 minutes" he insisted

I handed the kid the money and as he got into the sand colored early 90's ford ranger with a primer black driver door I realized I may have just made a huge mistake. I had just giving a fiending junky almost all of my money and watched him ride off without knowing so much as his name. Realizing my life could return to exactly where it was when I left the motel. All I could do was sit on the curb and wait.

After what seemed like a very long four minutes, the truck pulled up, the kid got out and approached me.

"This was his last stop and he didn't have all of what we needed but I got you change" he explained while handing me 5 red balloons, 4 yellow ones and $10 in change.

"The reds are the black, $10 each, and the whites are in the yellow ones. They are $5. You got a car?" He said

"No. I'm homeless." I said

"Rough man. You wanna come to my pad?" He offered

"Sure. Yea. Thanks! What's your name man?"

"Andy." he said sticking out his hand

"Chris" I said and shook his hand.

About 15 minutes later Andy convinced his friend that had given him a ride to the In-n-Out that I was okay and we were off. Another 15 and we arrived.

Andy lived in the basement of a large desert bachelor pad on the south west end of Vegas.

"Pretty spacious" I said

"Yea it's an independent 2 bedroom basement with kitchen and bathroom. You got any rigs?"

"No" I said

"I'm real low but I got a freshy you can have." He said as pulled his kit out of his backpack.

I had never shot a speedball before and truly, I was quite nervous. With a little help and explanation from Andy I drew up what most users would have considered about half a shot. Having not much trouble at all finding a vein I pushed the plunger down and waited to feel the results of what I had just done.

"Holy shit!" I yelled

"Yeah! Good one aye?" Andy said

A speedball is something like having a helicopter land on your head crossed with feeling like you just stepped off of a roller coaster mixed up with your limbs going numb, profuse sweating, and your heart feeling like it's going to explode. I guess it doesn't sound like much fun when you put it that way but at that moment it felt great.

"Yea man this is intense!" I yelled again

"Welcome to the jungle!" Andy said

The events that I just mentioned all happened over the course of one afternoon and into the night but for me there was no time to think. Not until I was lighting up a cigarette in the spare room Andy had allowed me to stay in. It seems that in that moment, no matter the circumstances, an addict is at peace. For me, this time, I felt many mixed emotions. In a way I was happy I'd gotten high. Most likely because I was in fact high at the time I was thinking about it. I also remember thinking about my future. Or lack of future. Where was I? Really, Truly I had no idea. Not much of an idea of where I was going either. That's the truly horrible thing about drugs. You don't care. Or if you do care its in fleeting moments between the next hustle or the next high.

I took another drag off my smoke and thought about getting up out of the recliner I was laying in to get a pillow. I was so messed up I never made it to go look for one. 

"Just ash on the floor its concrete anyway." I remember Andy saying. 

"Tomorrow we gotta figure out how to get back to town" I said

"Don't worry I'll have my mom take us in the morning." Andy yelled

I melted into the chair. and the last thing I remember thinking about was my mom. She has no idea where I am. Most likely still fuming from finding out I left rehab. I wonder if she is worried.

If you would like to contribute to my efforts at stopping addiction please visit:

http://gofundme.com/q9vqkg

Together we can make a difference.

My first encounter beneath the neon

With Rook and Becca reunited I found myself feeling like a 3rd wheel. Its not that they were treating me poorly by any means. In fact, it was just the opposite. Though we all had next to nothing we were cool sharing the little we had. Cigarettes, food stamps, beer; nothing was out of bounds and I think we were all happy that we were clicking so well. This would soon change.

After the second night of sleeping 3 deep in Rook's explorer in the east side apartment complex parking lot we had decided we should figure out somewhere to relocate before we wore out our stay. Since Becca was the only one of our crew that had any time living in Vegas she told us that she had frequented an area just west of the south end of the strip and would take us there and introduce us to here street family. One last time we piled into the explorer for an evening of shoulder to shoulder slumber.

6 a.m we were greeted by the maintenance man of the apartment as well as the manager and 2 of Las Vegas Metro's finest. They asked us for ID (of witch I had none) and what we were doing sleeping in the car. We fended them off telling them that we just got into town 2 nights before and that we were moving on that morning. We all came back clear on the warrant check and they let us take off but not before patting down all three of us and briskly searching the Truck. I cannot blame them. there was so much stuff piled in the explorer, none of which was fresh or clean I might add. Now I had no physical license, but they did verify that I did have a valid CA License however they were reluctant to let me drive off with no physical proof. Something about "unlawful procedure" which to me sounded like coptalk for " i just want to screw with you a little more". At this point in my life I had never been to jail, nothing outside of a couple traffic tickets that were paid, so I decided to lean on the cops a little in hopes of either getting sent on our way or taking the "trespassing" on my back so we would then be let go. It went something like this;

Me: "So we can go now?"

Cop A: "No, now sit down i told you, you dont have a license"

Me: "just not my physical license but your computer said the California license number was my valid current number right"

Cop B to Cop A: "He's got a current CA license and his picture is a match"

Cop A to Cop B: "What do you wanna do with them?"

Cop B to me: "Where you guys headed again"

Becca: "Trop and Valley View"

Cop A: "I see you driving around in this area after you leave this parking lot I'm going to arrest all three of you and impound your car. Got it??

All three of us "got it!"

Cop B to me " heres the keys. DONT let us catch either of these 2 driving either."

Me: "I wont"

And after 2 hours of searching, waiting and useless questioning we were on our way.

We Arrived at the In-and-Out at Trop and Valley view about 10:30am and pulled into the Rebel Gas station where Rook wanted to get a beer. I instantly noticed the high volume of homeless and wondered how many people Becca actually knew. It didnt take long to get my answer. As Rook headed toward the front door of the Rebel Becca stepped out of the van and was greeted like a celebrity. about half a dozen vagrants practically ran to welcome her "home". I stayed in the car until Becca returned and by this time I was ready to pop the question.

"So, can you get me any black down here?" I asked.

"I'm sure I can but are you sure you wanna do that you have been clean for awhile and you dont seem that sick?" Becca replied.

"Well, I dont have any money and Im not gonna Hustle for drug money and Im not gonna shoot it so if you can get me some for free then yea I'm sure" I told Becca.

"Your sure?" becca repeated.

"YES IM SURE" I yelled.

"Ok then I have someone that owes me down at the tunnels so as long as you are willing to come with me Ill introduce you and should be able to hook you up with something. might not be much but Itll be free" Becca said.

"Sounds good" I agreed. "One question though what are 'the tunnels'?"

"You''ll see. c'mon I'll show you." Becca commanded

we rounded the corner and arrived to a side street that looked empty. just a closed business office buildings and a 24 hour storage facility to the south side of the road and what looked like a sandy plot of hilly desert to the north side.

"we're here! you still wanna get high?" becca said with a smartass tone?

"its only been 2 minutes of course I do but theres nobody out here" I said

"thats what its supposed to look like. follow me and we'll get you some dope." Becca replied

as we went down the sandy hill back to the east pointing towards the strip I can remember a mixture of shock, fear, and amazement as we came upon the tunnel. if you didnt know it was there you wouldnt and if you did know it was there you wouldnt want to. The Tunnel was at that time the dirtiest, darkest, most sorrowful place I had ever seen. I instantly had second thoughts about what I was getting myself into. About 30 yards into the tunnel Becca put her hand on a mans back who was laying down on a mattress on the tunnel floor and shook him a little;

"Josh.. Josh wake up. Its me Becca."

The man rolled over and pulled the sheet back. Josh was an uncomfortable sight to say the least. 24 years old you would not be able to guess Josh's age at first glance. Shirtless, wearing just a pair of shorts to display his condition, Josh was badly burned over 75% of his body. The bottom of his chin to about halfway down his thighs were mostly burns or skin graphs and Josh used this to gain pitty points from the people Josh asked for money from throughout his vagrant travels. And boy did it work but we will get to this another time.

"You got any black?" Becca asked Josh

"No just some hard" Josh Replied

"Dont fuck with me Josh my friend is sick and you owe me" Becca demanded.

"Fine, Here."

Josh pulled a bag of tar out of his shoe and have it to Becca.

"Thank you" I said.

"If he needs more can I send him your way?" Becca asked Josh

"only if he has money. We're square now and that was my wake up now I gotta go back to work so I have something for morning."

"thanks Josh" Becca Said

As we made our way back to the car I couldnt help but wonder how Josh came to be in such a condition. Or if I stayed on the streets if I would have a similar fate. But at that same moment I had bigger things to do. I hadnt gotten high in about 2 weeks and to most junkies that is an eternity. I told myself I wasnt going to be using needles anymore and I was going to stick to that but I gave no 2nd thought to smoking that bag. See when you are an addict and you have made up your mind to use there is no 2nd thought, no remorse, no ill feelings about what you are about to do. The idea consumes you and makes you feel things only 1 thing will make go away.

I can remember as I put the lighter to the foil Rook saying I was wasting it.I stopped. I told Rook that I didnt want to get back into needles again and his response is something that had a profound impact on me.

"Whats it matter if you smoke or bang dope bro your still doing Heroin, your still gonna get sick and your still gonna have to hustle to get more. You might as well enjoy your shit."

Rook was right. I remember back to the "great" choice a had made in reno just a few days ago. I chose to be where I was and chose that I wanted to be getting high so what was the difference. At that moment I think if I would have tucked my tail between my legs and found a way back to rehab I would have maybe fought a little harder to stay clean but Ive always been an all or nothing type of guy. I put the lighter back to the foil and as the hit entered my lungs I can still remember thinking. Im all in.... again.

If you would like to contribute to my efforts at stopping addiction please visit:

http://gofundme.com/q9vqkg

Together we can make a difference.

Choices - Reno, Tonopah and the my newly found freedom

They say every decision has a decided result. Cause and effect if you will. Well on July 25th 2009 i decided I was going to leave the rehab I was enrolled in outside Falon Nevada and hitchhike home because "I didnt have a problem". About february that same year I decided that from then on I was going to start buying Heroin instead of Oxycontin because Oxy's were becoming harder to get and more expensive, but not because I had a "problem". Going further back, I'd say around the time i was about 22 or so I decided that weed and alcohol were getting boring and I wag going to start taking vicodin as if it was a full time sport and i was trying to get the bid for druggie MVP. and no, if you would have asked me then I would have said  "I didnt have a problem".
Now to the reason I bring these things up. On the road to continued sobriety Ive heard it ALL. reasons why "You are the way you are". family status, lack of attention, peer pressure, genetics, i dont know for certain if there is a difinitive reason why I am the way I am. what I did realize is that during all the above mentioned dates and events were CHOICES that I made not considering the realistic outcomes because if at that time you would have asked me (and some of you did) "I didnt have a problem".
On July 27th 2009 I got to Reno Nevada and placed a call to my mother and eventually my sister and told them that I decided I was coming home and that i was fine because i felt "I didnt have a problem". Now, if you know your Watson history you already know how that went down.
That afternoon and into the late evening I roamed the streets of Reno trying to decide my next plan of action. I had burnt pretty much every bridge I had ever walked in California. For the record this was a very emotionally strange time for me, one of the hardest of my life. 26 years old, alone, broke, 2 backpacks and a newly found understanding that the state that I had called home for my entire life no longer kept out the welcome mat for me :/
Wasnt my fault though... nope.. not me. It was everyone else on me giving up... I was fine.. I didnt have a problem... I didnt need them.. I was good.. In fact this was exactly what I wanted.. no pressure from anyone not to use.. 24/7 party.. no rules, no obligations, no accountability. With my new found sence of freedom it was off to finding something to make me feel better.
To be clear, I want ppl to understand that I did infact know that I had a choice. I wanted to use and at the time thought that running the streets and not having to answer to anyone was the best way to do that. Now, back on with the story..
Looking back now what the city of Reno has done for its downtown homeless community isnt bad over all.. its quite croweded but there is a general sence that the community actually gives a shit. However, this being my first real week being homeless it was a culture shock to say the least. Pretty much everyone smells bad and even when they dont you can tell they shower in sinks or the shelter with generic "sentless" soap that in most cases makes you smell worse.
All of the homeless gather as I remember around 2pm to stand in line hopeing to get a bed indoors. Those went to women, the elderly and people with jobs. The remaining people were divided into outdoor plots.. 20'x20' lots much like what you would rent at a flea market were assigned to as many people as could get along together untill the plots were full and at sundown they go into lockdown untill sun up. If you didnt get a bed or plot you were told to come earlier next time... I didnt get a plot or a bed. i spent that night in an alley behind a brick building behind the homeless plots. that was the first night I had slept in 3 nights. If you can call it sleep. I did learn that night how to keep warm with no blanket sleeping on concrete, a skill that i would have to apply many times in the coming years.

The next morning I met Rook. A 34 year old lenky white supremesist Rook was the only guy in the crowd that looked like he posed any sort of real threat out of the 100 or so homeless roaming the lot. I was looking for someone who looked like they might know where to score and rook, though he obviously looked criminal, was one of the only people in the crowd that was anywhere near my age and didnt look homeless so i introduced my self. His drug of choice was Alcohol but he said he wasnt against doing anything. A Drug Dumpster if you will. He offered to buy me some food on his stamps if i could scrounge up a couple bucks for some tall cans. I obliged him and we spent the rest of the day drinking and Rook became my first homeless road dog. Rook was new to Reno too and had about a 3 day jump on my arrival and told me he was on his way to Vegas to hook back up with his girlfriend that he was seperated from in tonapah, a town about half way between reno and vegas. He asked me where I was headed and I told him the short version of my new found freedom. We decided to join forces and hitch to tonopah and get his car and cruise to LV.

The next morning with a malt liquor hang over we made our way to the interstate and hitched a ride with a trucker to tonopah. When we got to tonopah it was about 10pm and rooks headlights didnt work in his 91 for explorer so we decided to wait till morning to give his truck the once over and head out at first light.

When we woke up we started the truck and realized we had forgot 2 major details.

1. still no drugs
2. we did not have enough gas to get to las vegas

we found a casino that had a help wanted board that had an add looking for movers locally. called. Strangly enough, maybe because it was a really small town, there were people in need of help about a mile down the road and they were paying cash same day. we called, showed up to help load a truck and 3 hours later we had $200. we filled up the truck and by 1pm we were on the road.

we got to vegas about an hour before sundown without a hitch and without headlights we thougt that would be fine but we ended up taking almost 2 hours getting ahold of Becca Rooks GF. But we made it without getting pulled over and slept in Rooks truck in some appartment complex near boulder station casino on the east side of town.

Truly to this point I felt accomplished. I wasnt in reno sleeping behind some shitty homeless shelter alone. Turly i was excited to see what Vegas had to offer someone like me.  I had no Idea what was in store for me but I did know I had made the CHOICE to be here and from here on out the CHOICE was mine to do as i please. What i hadnt realized was that those CHOICES would take me to hell and back in the coming 3 years. But if you would have asked me I would have told you everything would work out. After all, I didnt have a problem.

If you would like to contribute to my efforts at stopping addiction please visit:

http://gofundme.com/q9vqkg

Together we can make a difference.

It is human nature to take everything for granted. To think that the trials you face in life are the most difficult thing ever. As I sit here with my 8 week old daughter next to me, her legs dangling in the walker she is still a little to small for, and my amazing wife in the living room, I cannot help but to be grateful. I would imagine any man in my position would be grateful for his faith, his family, and his health. For me it is different. Don't get me wrong, I am indeed grateful for all the aforementioned things, however, I feel it is how i got to this point and the things I did on my way here that has truly taught me what it is to be grateful and it is that journey that I am here to share. 

In the days ahead I plan to get out all the thoughts I have bottled up inside. Thoughts about what got me here. Thoughts of selfishness, addiction, crime, and everything else that comes from being an addict. The format may change going forward from time to time from rants to recaps of feeling or perspective pieces about anything from my perspective based on how something affected me as an addict and homeless man. 

My wife has thought it would be a good idea to write these things down. I dont truly know how many ppl will ever see this but what I do know is Ive been to hell and back to get where I am and I feel its a story worth telling.

-C

If you would like to contribute to my efforts at stopping addiction please visit:

http://gofundme.com/q9vqkg

Together we can make a difference.