Learning Priorities

The ride to WestCare, the free detox and rehab on the north end of Las Vegas blvd, seemed to take forever. Now Andy's mom was jogging the conversation back and forth between grilling me for information about how much her son was actually using and trying to tell me I too needed to "get my shit together". I just bounced around the questions and didn't give her any real info. I had already started feeling bad about outing her son and what was more selfish, I realized I now had no way to get drugs. 

During that trip, I told myself I was gonna ride this rehab for all it was worth and see if they could help me get clean. I missed my family and my 2 year old son and I knew I had no chance of seeing anyone if I was still using. 

Andy's mom dropped me off in front of a building that resembled a private practice doctors office on a side street with no real sidewalks.

"This is it Christopher. Good luck!" she said 

"Thank you." I said and closed the door

I was already sick and had no money and no cigarettes so there was no turning back now. I headed toward the front door of the building.

The entryway of WestCare is not welcoming to say the least. An all white hallway, floor to ceiling, with a wooden half door with a few signs up in an attempt to ward off all of the stupid questions. I approached the door and was greeted by a man in a polo shirt with a grey mustache.

"Can I help you?" He said with ought looking up from his paperwork.

"I'd like to see about checking in." I said

"We are full you'll have to comeback after 4pm when we do discharges." The man said

"But I have nowhere else to go." I said 

"You can wait across the street under the big tree and if anything changes we will come out and get you. I'm sorry but we are full right now. Are you in immediate need of medical attention?" He said

"I don't think so, I'm just sick." I said

"Sick or detoxing?" he said

"Detoxing." I said

"From what? Heroin? Booze? What?" He asked

"Heroin." I said

"When was the last time you used?" He asked

"About 10pm last night." I said 

"Hang in there kid and we will get you in here for an exam as soon as we can get a bed ready ok?" He said

"Ok." I said and headed back outside.

It was only about 10:30am when I sat down under the big tree in the field of gravel across the street from the rehab. No money, no cigarettes, no phone and really I had nobody to call even if I had one. 

In a way I felt bad about what I did to Andy. I'd felt he deserved it though. He'd been steeling dope from me for weeks and the whole time masquerading as being my best friend. It's crazy how drugs can make you feel like everything's great when you're high. How in that moment no matter what's wrong in your life you are OKAY. I had spent the last month living with a scheming drug addict I barely knew that had convinced me into helping him commit a felony so we could go on a big drug binge and eventually, and in a short timeline I might add, end up worse off then we were before. But, somehow while I was doing these things being high allowed me to consider this a positive, happy situation for myself. Now with the drugs gone and the truth in front of me I found myself again alone and looking for help. 

I must have laid there tossing and turning on that gravel for hours because when the woman poked her head out of the door of the building to tell me I could come in the sun was on my face. I got in earlier than expected though not much. After filling out my paperwork and being searched the man with the mustache explained to me that I could only stay for 4 days unless I was interested in going to the their long term program which they referred to as "the mountain", a 30 day intake program on top of the Las Vegas valley mountains. I told them I was interested and the man said I could talk to my counselor about that tomorrow. For now it was time to rest. 

The men's dorm was nothing more than a huge room filled with hospital beds. Though the accommodations were strange I was actually grateful to have a place to rest. I was getting pretty sick by dinner time. 

Meals, meds, and meetings were all mandatory. WestCare had an open door policy so everyone there could leave at anytime. I gave my dinner away as I was too sick to eat and squirmed around in my chair until the AA/NA meeting was over. At about 9pm I was so week I could barely make my way back to my bed. I knew then it was gonna be a long night. Smoking cigarettes when you are sick, for a smoker like me, is vital. This was a no smoking facility which made things a lot more difficult. 

I tossed and turned all night. I wasn't the only one though. The room was alive with grunts and wails from every bed. When the lights came on for breakfast and prayer in the morning some of the faces had changed.  

During breakfast I tried to look around and see if there were any other heroin addicts in the men's pod. I made eye contact with a younger guy who looked like he was scouting the same thing I was. I sat down with my tray and tried to think of something clever to say.

"You gonna eat?" I asked the younger guy

"Hell no. Even if I could this food sucks." He said 

"Yea I hear ya. I'm too sick to eat anyway," I said

"Me too. You kicking black?" He asked

"Yea man. Bad" I said

"Me too. I just wanna get outta here." He said

"I came in wanting to make this work but I'm so sick now and they won't let us smoke. It's got me really stressed. Plus I don't have any money anyway." I said

"My dude will front me as soon as I leave if you wanna go pick up. If we leave now by the time we get off the bus by where I stay he will be there. You wanna go?" He said

"What's the catch?" I asked

"No catch. I just don't wanna get high alone." He said 

"What's your name kid?" I asked 

"Brandon." He said and stuck out his hand

"Well Brandon. I'm Chris. You are 100% sure you're okay with me tagging along and your dude will be cool with the front?" I asked

"Yea man 100% lets just say I'm a preferred customer." he said

"Alright man I'm convinced. Let's get our stuff and get going. If I get any sicker I'm going to start puking all over the place." I said

Within minutes we were at the gas station on Las Vegas blvd panhandling money for the phone call. Brandon was a 1/2 Mexican half white kid and said he was 19 though I had my suspicions he was younger. He spoke to the guy on the phone all in Spanish and confirmed the front. Minutes later we were on the bus. 

Sitting on the bus I had enough time to realize what I had just done. I left another rehab and was on my way to another part of town I was unfamiliar with to hopefully get free drugs from some kid who said it was a sure thing. On top of that I had just realized I wasn't going to be going to "the mountain" to get clean and hopefully speak to my family and get my sobriety underway. It's sad how no matter how important these things are when your strung out and sick getting high, no matter how difficult, is the priority. Again, though I knew full well the extent of my poor judgment, I just wanted to feel better.

When we got off the bus Brandon headed to the phone to call his guy and let him know he was there. He returned to tell me he'd be there in 10 minutes. Across the street was a neighborhood Walmart that had a pharmacy. I had no rigs and Brandon informed me he was a smoker so we headed across the street to panhandle a few bucks to buy rigs from the pharmacy and some foil. The first person I asked gave me $20 and Brandon $10. As soon as we walked out if the Walmart Brandon was greeted by a dark blue Toyota and told me to wait across the street. 

When he got out of the car it looked like he had just taken a bite out of a $6 burger. His mouth was full of balloons. 

"I guess you are a preferred customer." I joked

Brandon nodded, his mouth too full of balloons to speak. We quickly made our way down the street to an alley Brandon seemed to know well. I sat down and yore the bottom off of a can I found in the alley. As I was cooking my dope up I decided to make small talk.

"You stay here?" I asked

"Sometimes when I need to." Brandon said

"How'd you get in such good graces with your dude?" I asked

" I spend a lot of money and get him things he wants for his family." He said

"What kind of stuff?" I asked

"Anything really. Laptops, watches, movies. Whatever he wants really. Can you make one of those up for me?" Brandon said

"A shot? Yeah. Have you done this before?" I asked

"Yea I have. Can you help me though? I'm not very good at it." He asked

"Sure man. It's the least I can do with you helping me get well." I said 

I shot up Brandon then myself. The feeling of relief set in and we both just laid there in the couch for a few minutes before Brandon pulled out some foil and loaded a piece for us to share.

"K I've got one last question." I said

"Fire away." He said

"How do you get all the stuff your guy asks for?" I asked

"I lick houses. And if your down I have a list of some things I need to pick up for my guy tonight. And I know just where to find it all." He said

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